By Joanna B. Falini
September 28, 2011
Some of you may know that I have been recently diagnosed with a second attack of breast cancer, after being healthy for seven years. The only way I can be open and share this intimate and personal trial with you is because I feel safe, supported, and loved by my community of fellow Christian believers. We believe in the love and sacrifice that our Lord Jesus Christ gave to us, taking our sins and sufferings upon Himself. This community I speak of is the newly formed Fellowship of John Henry Newman.
Seven years ago, my world was shattered when the doctor told me I had breast cancer. I was so angry, resentful, and humiliated. I couldn’t go to church for two years. I did go on retreats with “the ladies” from The Church of The Good Shepherd, however, and finally wound my way back to Sunday services with Bishop Moyer. I have always sought God’s truth, in spite of my wanderings throughout this life. Going to church was always another step in the right direction for me, towards God’s truth. Thusly, I really cannot accept a watered down version of the faith that has sustained me through trial and tragedy. I not only want, but need more than ever before more truth, not less…more faith, not less…more commitment of myself in my relationship with God, not less commitment from my diocese…and a closer walk with my Lord and Savior, not a hazy view of Him. Newman Fellowship has “put the pedal to the metal” in my opinion as a validating and affirming Christian force in my world today.
Trusting God is a discipline for me. Taking those once tentative steps towards Him, even in the darkest of times, has sustained me and brought me through many snares. As I begin each day now, I am faced with a deadly disease and my steps have grown in size, speed, and strength. My determined will says, “I will not suffer in vain”, which culminates into a palpable appreciation of my Lord’s suffering as a gift of love and sacrifice. Or, as I meditate each day on Christ’s love and sacrifice for us, I see and understand more deeply His gift of taking our sins and sufferings upon Himself. It’s a “two way street” and that is why He made us. Gladly, I leave my burdens at the foot of the cross and thank Him for His mercy and love and grace, only because I have accepted and chosen to believe. I feel blessed with suffering now because it brings me closer to God and we share each other’s pains and joys. I have asked Him to take my sins away and He has done so. Moving from The Church of The Good Shepherd and into the Fellowship of John Henry Newman has been another “beginning” for me as I face each day in the newness of knowing that His promises are true if you really believe…another cliché, “it’s where the rubber meets the road”.
So, we are all on the adventure of a lifetime. We have the truest Love of all, and God is smitten with us. He died for us and suffered so we would not suffer. The “rub” comes from accepting that this life is not perfect and some of us must go through fire, a refining fire, perhaps? Then, as we can share our pain and burdens with Our Most Holy Father, in His way and will through His Son’s sacrifice, and open ours hearts to the Holiest Spirit, who knows what mountains we will move? The Fellowship of John Henry Newman is just the beginning, but the first step is always the hardest, right? So sometimes, a push in the right direction can come from a deadly disease. I promise this will be my last cliché…"Let’s step up to the plate and play ball!!"
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